oxic traits, red flags, gas-lighting; each of these relationship-related phrases has been taking the internet by storm with countless articles and videos covering the key indicators that your partner might be causing an unhealthy relationship dynamic. And no matter how much information you absorb about spotting a toxic partner, the reality is that you might actually be the one creating a toxic relationship.
In this article, Ritual experts have covered how to know you’re the toxic one in the relationship including the top tell-tale indicators and the steps you can take to foster personal growth and positive change.
7 tell-tale signs that you are the toxic one in the relationship
#1 You don’t feel empathy
A key indicator of toxicity in a relationship? A consistent lack of empathy. If you find it difficult to understand or relate to your partner’s emotions, catch yourself dismissing their concerns, or feel completely indifferent to their struggles - it’s a sign that you feel little to no empathy for your partner. This can put a lot of stress on your relationship and cause both you and your partner to feel entirely unfulfilled.
What you can do: Try to actively listen and genuinely make an effort to understand your partner’s feelings. This might look like asking open-ended questions, expressing genuine concern for their well-being, and putting yourself in your partner's shoes.
#2 You are constantly criticizing your partner
Mutual respect and support are two of the most important building blocks for a healthy relationship. If you are constantly criticizing your partner’s choices, appearances, or actions or making them second-guess themselves - it is a sign of toxic behavior. Continuous criticism like the examples given can completely break your partner’s self-esteem and create a hostile environment within the relationship.
What you can do: Shift your mindset. It’s time to appreciate your partner and acknowledge their positive qualities and what they contribute to the relationship. If you have concerns, express them without resorting to criticism and work together to find solutions.
#3 You like to be in control
It’s common for toxic individuals in a relationship to seek control and manipulate their partners, either consciously or unconsciously. Find yourself dictating your partner’s actions, isolating them from loved ones, or using emotional manipulation to get your way? These are clear indicators of toxic habits and they can have serious impacts on your partner’s mental and emotional wellbeing.
What you can do: Self-awareness is crucial to overcome this type of behavior. Take time to reflect on the reasons behind your actions and remind yourself that a healthy relationship requires mutual trust, respect, and autonomy. Admit it if you are not ready to provide your partner with a healthy and loving relationship.
#4 You find it difficult to apologize, so you don’t
The ability to apologize is a fundamental part of maintaining any healthy relationship, not just a romantic one. If you are finding it challenging to admit when you’re in the wrong or refuse to take responsibility for your actions, you are likely contributing to a toxic dynamic - one that can breed resentment and hinder the growth of your relationship.
What you can do: Learn to apologize sincerely when the time comes. Swallow your pride, acknowledge your mistakes, and express remorse. Show that you are committed to making a positive change - this will not only strengthen your bond with your partner, but will also benefit your personal growth.
#5 You blame your partner for most mishaps
Toxic individuals generally deflect blame from others, avoiding taking accountability for their actions and wrongdoings. If you are constantly blaming your partner for relationship issues, or maybe even problems outside of your relationship, it’s an indicator that you are externalizing your problems onto them which means it’s time for some self-reflection.
What you can do: Take ownership of your actions. Recognize that any healthy relationship requires shared responsibility. Instead of blaming your partner, engage in open conversations and work alongside them to find solutions to suit you both. Remember, a partnership is a joint effort.
#6 You experience mood swings and emotional outbursts that you can’t control
Unpredictable mood swings and emotional outbursts can cause a toxic environment in a relationship. Does your partner feel like they’re walking on eggshells around you, worried about how you might react at any given moment? It’s crucial that you recognize this and examine your emotional well-being and stability.
What you can do: Seek professional help. An expert can help you understand your emotions and develop emotional intelligence. This can enable you to express yourself healthily and create a more stable and secure relationship dynamic.
#7 You disregard your partner's boundaries
Boundaries are crucial for a relationship to thrive which is why respecting them is key. Consistently disregarding your partner's need for personal space, privacy or independence might look like checking their phone or always showing up at a girls'/boys' night. This can all contribute to an unhealthy and toxic atmosphere in the relationship, leaving your partner feeling overwhelmed and untrusted.
What you can do: Reflect on your behavior and respect your partner’s autonomy. Encourage open communication about boundaries and work together to establish what makes you both feel comfortable. Respecting your partner's personal space is essential to allowing them to honor their feelings, wants, and needs.
Recognizing that you may be the toxic one in a relationship is an important first step toward positive change. If you would like expert help to guide you on the right path, consider Ritual. Ritual is a schedule-friendly and affordable app that helps you heal and turn crisis into opportunity with the help of our experienced Relationship Experts, and science-backed method.
Here’s how it works:
- Tell us about yourself: Start by having a session with one of our experts. Together we explore your goals and needs, to make sure our guidance stays relevant and effective.
- Get your personalized plan: Decide which areas of your relationship you want to focus on. You’ll receive insights and tools to help you get where you want to go, while better understanding your partner (and yourself).
- Make daily steps forward: Improvement becomes a habit, with new skills and approaches you’ll start practicing right away. Weekly 1:1 sessions with your expert will help you track the changes as you go, and keep you motivated in the process.
Start your journey with Ritual today.
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