e honest - when you hear the words cheating or infidelity, you immediately associate them with the end of a relationship. However, it’s not always that simple. If you or your partner have cheated, it’s only natural to wonder if there is a chance that you could get through the current whirlwind of emotions you’re feeling and make it through the other end.
In this article, OurRitual experts explore the complexities of cheating and infidelity in a relationship and cover the steps to repairing a relationship after infidelity to help you come to your answer to the ever-popular question: Can a relationship work after infidelity?
Can my relationship survive infidelity?
It might come as a surprise to most, but cheating isn’t always a means to an automatic break-up, divorce, or separation. While infidelity can bring with it a whole host of (very warranted) negative emotions and feelings, and it will take hard work and commitment from both partners to get through to the other side, there are steps you can take to potentially mend your relationship after a partner has cheated.
#1: Allow yourself to feel
It’s normal to feel emotionally devastated, shocked, angry, or a sense of betrayal; or maybe a mix of it all. Expect both you and your partner to go through a time of intense emotions, which can make communicating challenging. Know that during this time, it’s crucial to allow for space for these emotions to be expressed and acknowledged before either of you tries to navigate what to do next.
How? Try practicing mindfulness through journaling. This can help you reflect on your feelings and emotions and better understand where you would like to go from here.
#2: Try to get to the root cause
Cheating can stem from a variety of reasons, including dissatisfaction in the relationship, lack of emotional or physical intimacy, personal insecurities, or even external factors such as stress or temptation. While understanding the cause doesn’t excuse the act, it can provide insight into the root issues that need to be addressed and whether or not you should move forward.
How? There are many reasons a partner may cheat, and you can’t provide the answer. Your partner will need to dedicate time to self-reflection and awareness to understand the root cause.
#3: Communicate
Decided to move forward? Open and honest communication is key. You will both need to be willing to express your feelings, share your perspectives, and actively listen to each other without judgment. If you are struggling with this side of things, speak with an expert such as the relationship experts at OurRitual, who can help you navigate the emotional minefield that often accompanies cheating in a relationship.
How? If you seek expert relationship counseling, follow and practice the strategies provided. In addition, try regularly checking in throughout the day and focus on being both heard and listened to.
#4: Take small steps towards rebuilding trust
Once trust is broken, it’s not that simple to restore. Rebuilding trust is a gradual process that requires commitment and effort from both partners. The unfaithful partner must be willing to take responsibility for their actions, express genuine remorse, and demonstrate a commitment to change. The other must find a way to forgive and be open to rebuilding trust over time.
How? Be patient and recognize that this will not happen overnight. Put time aside to regularly speak about your emotions. When you are both ready, redefine your ground rules.
#5: Set personal boundaries and make expectations clear
Rebuilding a relationship after cheating requires setting clear boundaries and expectations. Both partners need to establish guidelines for behavior, communication, and rebuilding trust. This may involve renegotiating aspects of the relationship, such as levels of transparency, commitments to personal growth, and a shared vision for the future.
How? Communication is key here. Know your boundaries, communicate them, and stick to them.
#6: Forgive and move forward
Forgiveness is a crucial element in the process of healing after infidelity. It does not mean forgetting or condoning the act, but rather releasing the hold that resentment and anger can have on the relationship. Forgiveness allows both partners to move forward, focusing on rebuilding the connection rather than dwelling on past mistakes.
How? Forgiveness is a process that doesn’t always come easy. Communication, regular check-ins, alone time, and time together should all be prioritized equally.
Factors That Determine Whether a Relationship Can Survive Infidelity
Infidelity shatters the foundation of a relationship, but it's the subsequent effort, not the initial act, that determines the final outcome. The question of whether you can heal and move forward depends on several key factors, helping you determine if the relationship can work after infidelity:
- The role of genuine remorse and accountability. For the relationship to have a chance, the unfaithful partner must demonstrate more than just an apology; they must show genuine remorse and take full accountability for the choice they made without shifting blame.
- Rebuilding trust through transparency and consistency. Trust is not instantly restored; it must be rebuilt brick by brick. This requires the unfaithful partner to commit to radical transparency and consistency in their actions and communication.
- Importance of mutual effort and emotional availability. Healing is not a solo effort. It requires sustained emotional availability from the unfaithful partner and a willingness from the injured partner to engage in the healing process when they are ready.
- Situations where it might not be healthy to stay. Sometimes it is necessary to separate. It might not be healthy to stay if the unfaithful partner shows no genuine remorse, repeats the behavior, or if the infidelity was part of a larger pattern of abuse or control.
The Rebuilding Phase: Steps Toward Forgiveness and Intimacy
Many couples wonder if their relationship can recover, especially if they are asking, "Do relationships survive cheating?" After the initial crisis has passed and the decision has been made to stay, this phase shifts the focus from the pain of the past to the future you are intentionally building.
- Setting new boundaries and expectations. This involves actively discussing and renegotiating the rules of the relationship. These guidelines cover behavior, communication, digital access, and how to handle future conflict or temptations.
- Gradually restoring intimacy, both physical and emotional. Intimacy is often the first casualty of infidelity. Rebuilding it requires vulnerability, shared emotional risk-taking, and consciously creating non-sexual moments of closeness before moving to physical intimacy.
- Communication exercises to rebuild closeness. Utilize structured communication techniques (like those taught by relationship experts) to ensure both partners are being truly heard and understood, creating safety and rebuilding the deep emotional connection that was fractured.
Professional Help: When and How to Seek Therapy
The complexity of healing a relationship after infidelity is often too great for couples to manage alone.
- Benefits of couples therapy after infidelity. A therapist provides a safe, neutral space to process overwhelming emotions, manage reactive conflict cycles, and navigate the difficult conversations required to rebuild trust.
- Choosing the right therapist (infidelity specialists, EFT therapists). Look for a professional specializing in couples therapy and trauma, such as those trained in Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), which specifically addresses attachment injuries like infidelity.
- Online therapy options for rebuilding trust remotely. Modern therapy offers accessible solutions. Online sessions remove barriers like tight schedules and commuting, providing convenient access to expert care even if one partner travels frequently.
Should you stay or leave your unfaithful partner?
Not all relationships should or can survive after infidelity. The decision to work at it or finish is completely individual and depends on how willing each partner is to invest in the mending process. While some couples find they may emerge stronger, others realize that the damage is irreparable and choose to part ways.
If you decide to stay together after infidelity, remember:
- Focus on the future rather than the past
- It will take time, commitment, and dedication
- You both must be prepared to go through a journey of personal growth
OurRitual is on a mission to make good relationship care accessible to all. Our model was designed to remove barriers like cost, tight schedules, and partner participation. We do that with scientifically validated methods, supported by the most up-to-date research from the strongest names in the field.
Here’s how it works:
You will work with a trained professional who can offer a wide variety of evidence-based interventions. In between your sessions, you will receive weekly videos with tried-and-tested knowledge and exercises focused on your specific needs and goals. The sessions with your dedicated expert will help you integrate what you learned into everyday life.
Start your journey with OurRitual today.
FAQs
Can a relationship truly work after infidelity?
Yes, while challenging, many relationships not only survive infidelity but also emerge stronger. Success depends on genuine remorse, full accountability, and the mutual, consistent effort to rebuild trust and address the root causes of the infidelity.
What percentage of relationships survive after cheating?
There is no definitive statistic on the percentage of relationships that work after cheating, as many couples don't report this sensitive information. However, studies and clinical reports consistently suggest that a significant number of couples successfully rebuild their relationship, especially among those who commit to the hard work of repair and seek professional help.
How long does it take to rebuild trust after infidelity?
Rebuilding trust is a gradual process, not an event. It typically takes a minimum of one to two years of consistent effort, transparency, and patience. The initial crisis phase often lasts several months, followed by a longer period of healing and stabilization.
Can emotional cheating be forgiven the same way as physical cheating?
Both types of infidelity are devastating. Forgiveness and recovery are possible for both, but emotional cheating can sometimes be harder to forgive because it involves a deep, sustained breach of emotional intimacy and trust, which can feel more personal than a physical act.
What are the first steps to take after discovering infidelity?
The first steps are to prioritize safety (physical and emotional), allow space for intense emotions, and immediately establish firm boundaries. It's highly recommended to seek professional guidance immediately to navigate this crisis phase effectively.
Does couples therapy really help after infidelity?
Yes, couples therapy is highly effective and often essential for healing after infidelity. A therapist provides a structure to manage intense emotions, facilitates safe communication, and guides both partners through the steps of accountability, remorse, and ultimately, forgiveness.
How can communication be rebuilt after trust is broken?
Communication is rebuilt through radical transparency, active listening without judgment, and setting aside dedicated time for check-ins. The goal shifts from arguing to truly understanding and validating the depth of the partner's pain.
What are the signs that the relationship is healing after infidelity?
Signs of healing include a decrease in intrusive thoughts and intense emotional reactions, the unfaithful partner consistently demonstrating transparency, a restoration of shared laughter and non-conflict topics, and a genuine ability to focus on shared future goals without the affair defining every interaction.
